Ed Welch’s book, Side by Side, is a little book with a big message: you are both needy and needed. Welch is speaking of friendships within the community of the church and he encourages all believers to embrace both these realities.1 Needy and needed—both are part of being human and being created for community.
I think of Welch’s line often: needy and needed. I work in a ministry role and my bent is that of an Enneagram Two—I find worth and significance in being helpful to others. So I embrace one side of Welch’s equation easily: you are needed. The other side, though? Well, that’s where limits come in.
You are needy.
Everything in me pushes against that reality. It’s the fence that I want to hurdle. But that fence, as we’ve seen, is the boundary line that is drawn for my flourishing. I have been designed to be needy. I was created to be dependent on God, but not only that—I was created to need other human beings. In Genesis 2:18, when God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone,” he was speaking not just of the goodness of marriage but of community. We have this limit drawn around us—it is not good for us to be alone. We need others.
Paul addresses the temptation to ignore our neediness when he speaks of the church as the body of Christ. He writes in 1 Corinthians 12:21: “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you,’ nor again the head to the feet, ‘I have no need of you.’” The body is made up of members that need one another. As I type these words, my body demonstrates their truth. It’s not just my fingers doing the work; isolated from the rest of my body, my fingers are limited and unable to produce these words. My entire body is working together.
There are times when we are confronted with the inescapable reality of our neediness. Our limits show up in sickness or injury, and we have no option but to rely on other people. We can humbly accept and receive the MealTrain, the rides to and from appointments, the financial gifts, and the prayers of others. Or we can resist by pridefully denying our limits. When we do, we miss the beauty of seeing the body function in health.
You are needed.
There are other times, though (more often, I’ve found) that our limits and needs are easier to overlook. Our time is limited, along with our capacity and ability to meet all the needs we see. We can justify pushing past our limits with the mantra, “I am needed,” but I’ve learned the hard way that these moments also prevent us from seeing a picture of the healthy body.
Aimee Joseph has written, “Every need is not a call.”2 In other words, you are neither able nor called to meet every need you see. To discern between a need and a calling requires dependence on God. It requires taking the needs of others and our limits to the Lord. We ask him to give us wisdom to discern where we are truly needed, and where he wants to use others. Make no mistake: those needs will be met in God’s providence, but he may not use the people, tools, or paths that you would choose.
You are needed and needy.
You are needed, friend. You are an indispensable member of the body of Christ. But you are also needy. You are a limited, finite human being created for dependence on God and for community within his body. May you rest in the pleasant places that fall within those two realities.
1 Edward T. Welch, Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love. (Wheaton, Ill.: Crossway, 2015), 11-12.
2 Aimee Joseph, “Every Need Is Not a Call.” The Gospel Coalition, 19 Jan, 2022. https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/need-not-call/